Price 25 Cents 



PAINE'S 
POPULAR PLAYS 



MISS JANIE 

OR 

A CURTAILED 
COURTSHIP 




Mary Bonham 



NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 



Song Specialties for Your 
Entertainments 

Teachers are discovering that no matter how 
much novelty there is in their entertain- 

i ment, how well it is arranged, how thoroughly 

I drilled, if they want to hold the active interest 

? of the audience they must use the best of songs. 

I The songs must be real novelties. The words 

I must be interesting as well as decidedly clever, 

t The music must be catchy and abounding in rich 

I melody. With these things in mind we have 

4 prepared this list of superior song novelties for 

I our patrons. All are in regular sheet music form. 

t Price, 35 cents each; S for $1,25 

\ 

I WELCOME SONGS 

T 

I We've Just Arrived from Bashful Town. 

I We Hope You've Brought Your Smiles 
I Along. 

I Come and Partake of OurWelcome Cake. 

t We're Very Glad to See You Here, 

i With Quaking Hearts We Welcome You. 

I CLOSING SONGS 

t Mr. Sun and Mrs. Moon, 

i Now, Aren't You Glad You Came? 

i We Do Not Like to Say Goodbye, 

t We'll Now Have to Say Goodbye. 



Paine Publishing Co,, Dayton, Ohio 



Miss Janie; or, 
The Curtailed Courtship 

A Comedy-Drama 

Sy Mary Bonham 



COPYRIGHT, 1922, BY L. M. PAINE 



PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 
DAYTON, OHIO 



^5^^^ 

^c^^^^^^ 



CHARACTERS 

Mks. Rebecca Wixg, whose husband is lost 

Janie Wing, her daughter 

Miss Kate Wixg, the unforgiving 

'iStLAS Mend, a chair mender 

Mr. Richard Bloxdo, a land agent wanting a wife 

Me. Robert Richo, owner of an alligator ranch 

Mrs. Sara Pines, friend of ]\liss Kate's 

Rose Vines, Janie's schoolmate 

Handy Heap, colored servant 

]\Iandy Main, colored servant 

Rev. Dean, the minister 

ToMPSON, the cat 

As Rose appears only in the first act and Mandy in the second, 
third, and fourth. Rose may play the role of Mandy. 

DIRECTIONS 

R — right of stage to the actor: L — left; F — front; R — rear; 
C — center. 

costu:me,s 

Modern. Silas Mend wears mustache and goatee in Act III, dress 
suit in IV and is clean shaven. 

Time of Playing— About one and one-half hours. 



OCT 24 '22 

©C1A687931 



AA-^ 



Miss Janie; or, The Curtailed Courtship 

ACT I. 

SCENE 

Jame's room in college, door on PJ. Table and two cliairs near C. 
Looking glass on wall. Trunk or closet, L. Jame seated at tal)]c, 
<'ll)o\vs on tal)le witii chin in liaiuls, facing audience, kodak album on 
lap or table. Knock at door. 

Jaxie: Do come in! I'm as lonesome as the last rose of 
summer ! 

Rose [entering] : Well I'm that rose, then. I'm glad to 
see, however, that I'm not the only one left bloomino- 
alone! Janie, it's a shame to send a girl three thousand 
niik's from home to college! 

Janie: I'll say it's tragic! Rose, why did your parents 
send you from the Pacific to the Atlantic to college 
anyway '? 

Rose: Father and mother have an idea that the eastern 
colleges are better than our western ones, and then, too, 
some of their ancesters were reared in the east, crossed 
the Delaware with Washington, and otherwise climbed 
the ladder of fame, and for that reason I had to breatlie 
some of tliis eastern atmosphere which makes heroes— 

Janie: Rose, didn't you make a grammatical error in 
gender as Prof. English would say? 

Rose: No, child, I used heroes, purposely, I never expect 
to do daring deeds. I leave that to you Easterners. 
"Janie Wing, Heroine," woidd look well on a movie 
screen. 

Janie : Hush. Rose Vines, I'll never be a heroine for I 
can prove it. 



4 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Rose: I won't believe you until you do. 

Janie: I haven't practiced my music today, I hate music, 
therefore according to the greatest poet, Shakespeare, 
I'm "fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils." No 
heroine in that. 

Rose: Pretty good reasoning, but that fits only today. 
Anyone hates to practice music on a holiday. I expect 
to hear from you some day. 

Janie : But, Rose, I'm mischiff bent today. I'm bound to 
play a joke on somebody. I'm willing to do and dare! 
[Rises and throws herself hack as if about to strike some- 
one, then sits.] But there's nothing to dare, — every- 
body gone but us lonesome roses. 

Rose: There's the lady principal. 

Janie : Gracious! She can't take a joke. She'd expel 
me if I tied a paper to a cat's tail. 

Rose: Say, Janie, why didn't you go home this Easter? 
You don't live but twenty miles from here. 

Janie : Simply because mother and Aunt Jane have gone 
on a pleasure trip themselves and ordered me to remain 
subject to the lady principal. 

Rose: I'm convinced that our parents are inconsiderate 
of their daughters' pleasures. 

Janie : Rose, there's mischief in the air. I smell it. 
[Shakes fists.] 

Rose: thou fighting spirit, get into the shadows. Peace 
is the order of the day. Say, tell me about these pictures. 

Janie [sitting] : As there's nothing to dare I might as 
well revel in the bravery of my ancesters. 

Rose: Who are the three G's,— G. G. G? 

Janie : They are my great, great, great, grandparents. 
They fought the British in '76. 



MISS J-ANIEX QE, ■THE CURTATCED ' COURTSHIP 

Rose: You made a grammatical error in number, my 
dear. 

Janie: Oh, no, I used they purposely. 

Rose : Your great, great, great, grandmother did not figlit, 
did she? 

Janie: Yes, indeed!- She fought the battle for food and 
protection for fourteen children during the Revolution, 
(hice an Indian stole one of the fourteen and, don't you 
know, she dressed up like an Indian squaw, fooled every 
Indian in the wigwam and rescued the lost lamb ! 

Rose: Goodness, that's more than crossing the Delaware! 

Janie : And that's why I pasted this laurel above her 
picture. The next are the two G's — my great, great, 

--■grandparents. They fought -in the war of 1812. This 
is my grandfather who lived in South Carolina and was 
a leader in the war of Secession. He rode with Lee to 
the end and never got a scratch though many a Yankee 
bullet whizzed near him. 

Rose: Gracious! Maybe my grandfather fired some of 
those bullets. Let's see. Who's next? I'd guess it is 
your father. He's dead, isn't he? 

Janie: I don't think he's dead,^ but he's lost. 

Rose : When, where, and how, Janie ? 

Janie : Ten yekrs^ ago he went to seek gold in Alaska. We 
have never heard of him since. Mother thinks he is 
dead. 

Rose: Well, I certainly hope he's not. \LooJiing at pic- 
ture.] Janie AVing! this picture is you, fifty years hence. 

Janie : That's Aunt Kate, father's sister, w^ho lives with 
us. 

Rose: She ^vear's a wig, doesn't she? Is she a widow? 
Janie: No, she's an unforgiving spinster. 



6 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

BosE: Janie, I'm going to get that gray wig I had in the 
play and put it on you to show you that you are the 
very "spittin' image" of your auntie. [Exit.] 

Janie : I don't feel complimented but if I can get some 
fun out of dressing up like her — oh, I have an idea. 
Rosebud, n;in here and blossom out in the sunshine of 
fun. 

Rose [entering with wig] : I'm in full bloom, my dear. 

Janie : I'm going to dress up like Aunt Kate and call 
on her friend, Mrs. Sara Pines, who lives iu town ! 

Rose: Gracious! Something daring in that! You are 
like your three G grandmother. I knew you had a fertile 
brain, Janie Wing. 

Janie: As well as a very sensitive olfactory nerve. 
Didn't I tell you I smelt mischief! 

Rose: "Well, I'm in for anything. 

Janie : Rose, you will have to help me cross the Dela- 
ware, You're descended from the Delaware heroes. How 
am I to get by the lady principal? 

Rose: Easy, she's out. Here's the wig. 

Janie : That's the main article. * Put it on me. Rose, I 
must have a peep. [Looks in glass.] It's a sure hit, 
Rose. Now I'll put on an old black dress we had in 
the play while you forage for a fan. Aunt Kate always 
carries a fan when she calls, and you know I might want 
to suppress a laugh behind it. 

Rose: Janie, there is a sea of fun rolling at your feet. 
I wish I could go with you! Oh for a fan, a fan, my 
kingdom for a fan! Shakespeare said "The play's the 
thing," but I say the fan's the thing. [Exits. Janie 
2)uts on dress, old pin, and some lace about neck. Wig 
hair must he gray and pulled flat over ears in rather 
old style. Aunt Kate must he genteel hut somewhat 
antique. Rose enters with a large hlack fan.] 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAfLED COURTSHIP 7 

Janie: Rose, you are my fairy queen. I only wish, and 
gracious! I've got to have nose glasses. Aunt Kate 
never calls without them. I fear our much laid plan is 
undone, Rosey ! 

Rose: No. This joke's too good to spoil. Miss Jones 
wears them, but it's like bearding a lioness in her don 
to approach her. 

Janie : Didn't you tell me your ancestors crossed the 
Delaware a stormy winter night. 

Rose : I 'm gone for glasses ! 

Janie : Maybe I 'd better put on a few time tracks. [Marks 
li)ies on face irith 2^<"»c(7.] It'd never do to be recog- 
nized. Gee ! I forgot I had to have a black poke hat 
to wear. Aunt Kate isn't so easy to ape after all. 
[Pulls out wJiite Jiat and tries to shape il like a poke.] 

Rose: "Honest confession is good for the soul." I told 
Miss Jones you were dressing up like your aunt who 
wears nose glasses to have your picture made and she 
said you might have the glasses if you'd give her a 
picture. Now you go to the photographer and have 
some maps made or I'll never joke again! 

Janie: Rose, that is a dandy idea. It adds fuel to my 
flame of fun. Bnt listen, another Delaware of trouble. 
jMy poke is not black and Aunt Kate always calls in a 
black poke and veil. 

Rose: "Where's the shoe polish? [Janie hayids polish to 
Rose who blacks hat while Janie pulls o]if some trim- 
ming, plume or purple jloivcrs io put on hat.] 

Janie : It's not so bad after all to be deserted. I believe it 
is good for girls to be thrown on their own resources. 
[Places veil over face.] 

Rose: This will be a valuable experience ior us, I'm 
thinking. 



8 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Janie: Now with my velvet coat I think I'll be Aunt 
Kate, ditto. [Dons coat.] 

Rose : Will you call or pose first ? 

Janie : I'll pose first as that will help me hold my com- 
posure. This way. [Sits as if ready for a picture.] And 
when I greet my friend I'll kiss her in her dimple. 
Aunt Kate told me how she kissed Mrs. Pines' dimple 
so I mustn't make a mistake. Wish me luck, Rosebud. 

Rose [holds glass of water up] : Here's to Janie Wing, 
Chief of Fungetters, an ocean of fun! [Spills water.] 

Janie: Prepare for my return, Rose, for I'll have a tale 
to unfold. [Exit.] 

CURTAIN 

SCENE II 

Parlor. Jamie sitting near ]Mrs. Pines, holding hands. 

Mrs. Pines : Kate, I 'm so glad to see you looking so young 
and fresh. I believe you have found the fountain of 
youth. 

Janie : Oh no, Sara dear, I attribute my freshness to the 
eating of three raw eggs a day. Then one is inclined to 
grow fleshy as one grows older. 

Mrs. Pines: Do tell me about Rebecca and Janie. Of 
course Janie is at home for the Easter season. 

Janie: No, Janie did not come home as Rebecca and I 
went to New York for a little visit. Rebecca thinks it 
not the best to allow much home-going to a college girl. 
I'm old fashioned enough to think that the girls now are 
inferior to the girls of our day. 

Mrs. Pines: Now Kate, I do want to be verv^ confidential 
and learn the truth of some reports I heard. 

Janie: Certainly, Sara, you and I always shared our 
secrets. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 9 

Mrs. Pines: They tell me that Mr. Rielio is a frequent 
visitor in your home again. Are you and he warming up 
the soup after twenty years? 

Janie [coughs behind fan] : No, Sara, Robert and I are 
still unreconciled. You know he would not give up his 
alligator farm and I always said -I'd not marry him 'till 
he did. 

Mrs. Pines: Could it be possible that he is going to see 
Rebecca with matrimonial intentions? 

Janie [confused] : Er, ah, my dear friend, Rebecca doesn't 
tell me a thing, — about Mr. Richo, Robert I mean. 

Mrs. Pines: I understand that Rebecca allows herself to 
be called a widow now? 

Janie: "Well, she believes that fa-er-John is not alive after 
ten years of silence. Now I don't know that she encour- 
ages him. 

Mrs. Pines: Well, I heard that she did not encourage him 
as much as she does that Mr. Blondo, a land agent, 
recently come into the neighborhood. But you know 
more about it than I do. "When is the wedding to be? 

Janie [smells salts] : Dearest Sara, don't ask me. Rebecca 
tells me so little since I'm not in fnvor of the match. 
[Siglis hchind fan.] 

Mrs. Pines: Maybe it will be a good thing for Rebecca. 
She needs some man to run her farm and then too, they 
tell me that Janie is getting quite out from under her 
mother's thumb, — wild as a march hare I heard. 

Janie : Now Mrs. — my dear Sara, don't believe every- 
thing iyiadam Rumor says. [Knock at door, Mrs. Pines 
opens door and Miss Kate throws her arms around Mrs. 
Pines and kisses her.] 

Miss Kate: Dear Sara, I got tired of New York, — too 
many folks to suit me, and while Rebecca was visiting an 



10 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

old school mate I decided I'd see mine. AVhy-er-Sara, 
what's the matter. Uon't you know me? 

Mrs. Pines: Er-ah-I, I don't understand. Here is Kate. 
[Points to Janie.] 

Miss Kate: Sara Pines, you are losing your mind I This 
woman is not I, Kate Wing. 

JMrs. Pines: She is your double then for she acts just like 
you do ; she knows the family news, holds her fan like 
you do, and kissed me in your dimple. 

Miss Kate: Sara, you are stark crazy, 1 do believe, though 
I'll test you a little. 'What news of the family did she 
relate 1 

Mrs. Pines: She said she and Mr. Eieho were still unrec- 
onciled and she did not deny that Rebecca was receiving 
suitors. 

Miss Kate: That sounds sane. You say the hussy kissed 
you in my dimple? 

Mrs. Pines: Yes, in j^our dimple, here. 

Miss Kate: Oh, Sara, I reckon we are both losing our 
minds. 

Mrs. Pines: Oh, I don't know which is my sweet friend! 

Miss Kate: And I don't know which is I. Some one 
phone for the doctor. [Drops.] 

Mrs. Pines: No, I don't want this to be known. Kate 
she is so still she must be a ghost. 

Miss Kate: I know she is an imposter, an invader, a 
trespasser. 

Mrs. Pines: She is like the beggar ghosts m Hiawatha's 
home before Minnehaha died. Something's going to 
happen. 

Janie : Yes I am a spirit, and something awful is going to 
happen. 



MISS J ANTE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 11 

Mrs. Pines : Kate, 1 told you so. O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o. 

Miss Kate: Yes, Sara, I know you did. O-o-o-o-o-o-o-.). 
We'll both die together. [Clasp arms ahout each other 
and icail.] 

Janie [pulls off veil on face] : Mrs. Pines, Aunt Kate, I 
beg your forgiveness. I'm nobody but Janie Wing, — 
wicked thing — who has made a foul of herself. 

Miss Kate: You put yourself in the positive degree. 
Explain your infamous conduct ! 

Janie : I will. This afternoon I was out of something to 
do; the lady principal was out, and all the girls were out 
except one who said I was the image of you. Aunt Jane. 
She proved it with this wig and 1 decided I'd call on 
Mrs. Pines for fun. Do have mercy on me ! 

Mrs. Pines: Well, now, I do declare, that was a goo'd joke 
on me. And you were so clever I never detected — - 

Miss Kate: Sara Pines, you maj^ forgive and forget this, 
but I never will. The act is unpardonable. Think of 
the scene just enacted. Miss, you spoiled my visit so I'll 
spoil yours. March ! Sara, I will never venture out 
again. Farewell ! 



ACT IP 

SCENE 

I\Irs. Wing's porch, hammock, chairs or benches, hooka and papers. 
Janie Icnitting on scarf, Miss Kate reading, Handy outside whistling 
occasionally. 

Miss Kate: Now, Miss, every time you put a stitch in 
that scarf, put one in your gray matter that it is a sin 
to mock your superiors. 

Janie : Aunt Kate, if I get the two thousand rounds done 
before mother returns from New York, may I have a 
row on the pond ? 



12 miss' JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Miss Kate: No! I'll unravel, and you will re-knit till 
she comes back, I can't trust you out of sight. You 
will follow me precisely, 

Janie: sweet Auntie, you'll make a monkey out of me 

won't you! 
Miss Kate: You are monkey enough in some respects! 

[Gets paper and reada.] 

Janie [gets paper and reads] : Oli sweet Auntie, my 
name's in this. 

Miss Kate: Don't sweeten me, [Pidls out two rows of 
Janie's knitting.] Now make up your lost time. 

Janie: Auntie, I thought if I did like you I'd do prop- 
erly. 

Miss Kate : Do as I say ! 

Jajstie: May I ask you a question. Aunt Kate? 

Miss Kate: If it's to the point and void of foolishness. 

Janie : Did you ever forgive Mr. Richo for bringing you 
that little alligator from his ranch in Florida ? 

Miss Kate: No, and never will. 

Janie: His joke was not as bad as mine, was it? 

Miss Kate: You mean that his downfall was not as bad 
as yours! No, for yours was the limit. 

Janie: Aunt Kate, every joke on you has a Falls, hasn't 
it? 

Miss Kate: Yes, and I usually make it a Niagara Falls, 
too. 

Janie : Well, if Mr. Eicho's Fall was a Niagara, which 
meant the loss of yoM for a better half, mine is — 

Miss Kate: The loss of my fortune. I re-wrote my will 
today and your name was left out. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 13 

Janie: I heard of people rollinp; over Niagara Falls in a 
barrel and not getting imrt one iota? 

Miss Kate: May be so, but when your mother marries 
that Blondo you will find that there are rapids below 
that make rough sailing. 

Janie : Excuse me, Auntie, for not taking this as a new 
idea. 

Miss Kate: I did not approve of this match till I dis- 
covered what an unruly daughter there is in the home. 

Janie : It would bo aAvful for the world to have another 
Enoch Arden. 

Miss Kate: Don't mix fact and fiction. You may look 
like me but you don't think like I do. 

Janie: Providence was wise. 

Miss Kate : Wiiat do you mean ? 

Janie : Well, suppose a handsome fellow — 

Miss Kate: Fellow, — how vulgar! 

Janie : Suppose a handsome gentleman was on his knees 
to you for a yes that he was going to get and I thought 
just like you did, why I might be tempted to cut you 
out — . 

Miss Kate: Will you please remember that I deal in 
facts, not fciion! I can not enjoy the company of a 
spinner of fiction. You will remain seated. [Exit R.] 

Janie: Gracious, what a. change 'in the atmosphere! 
[Takes long 'breath.] 

Handy [outside sings to tune of Polly Welly Doodle] -. 
Behind de barn down on my knees, — 

Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all de day — 
Thought I heard a chicken sneeze — [Changes tune.] 

Way down upon de Swanee ribber — 
Far, far away^ - 

Dar's whar my heart is turniii' ebber — 



14 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Janie : Why Handy, are you dealing in a flight of imag- 
ination or have you a girl down on the Swanee ? 

Handy: Yassy mum, I'se habin' slight agitation wid dis 
mowin' machine. Also habin' trouble wid dat gal in de 
kitchen. She done quit eatin' my candy, Miss Janie, an' 
I'se turnin' my heart ter a purple Pansy I uster co't on 
de Swanee. 

Janie: Well, I don't blame you. But why are you work- 
ing on the lawn mower so early in the season? The 
grass is not high yet. 

Handy: No'm, but Miss Becky gittin' awful 'ticlar dese 
days. She done pinted her finger at me an' say. "Handy, 
don't let a single weed get in de yard dis spring." 

Janie: You have a Doughboy job, then, Handy. 

Handy: Not, 'zactly, Miss Janie, dese are peace times. 
I gwine keep dis yard so smooth j^ou'd'thunk de razor 
man has got it for his ad. 

Janie: Handy, do you know when my mother is coming 

home? 
Handy: No'm, but I spec any minute kase I seed dat 

beau-love of hers unpowderin' his car in town yistidy. 

Janie: Unpowdering his car, — what's that, Handy? 

Handy: Rubbin' de chamois skin on ter git de dust off. 

[Janie latighs.] 
Janie : I see. Well who is this man, Handy? 

Handy: You ough ter come 'home 'fo' now ter sec de 
gwine-on. Ain't you know you raos' got a paw-in-law? 

Janie : murder, tell me about him quick! 

Handy: Looks like 'tain't my place ter tell you what yo' 
maw hain't tell you. I lowed you'd come home ter he'p 
tie de weddin' bow on 'em. 

Janie: Gee I I've come home to untie the wedding bow. 
Do tell me about the unfortunate he. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 15 

Handy : 'Taiu 't nobody but a ole laiul agent, name Blondo. 
Co 'ted every gal in de county till he's bald as a onion. 
I'se at de barber's an' seed him pull off his wiggin. 
Done tore up all de good roads in de country trynn' ter 
find him a rich wife wid a farm. 1 gwine hand in my 
papers when he comes here, an' go down ter de Swanee. 

Janie: You really think mother wnll marry this fellow? 

Handy: Yas'm, knows it! Done pursented de argument 
gin de case, made her mad, an' when she cool off she like 
wagon tire, squeeze on all de tighter. I'd thunk Miss 
Becky 'd turn up her nose at dat chap like white hen do 
at a woolly worm. 

Janie: Handy, we must Ircal- up this match. My father 
may be alive and if he is not I do not want this Blondo 
for a — 

Handy: You'se got sense. Miss Janie, but meddlin' in 
love is throwin' rocks in bumble-bees' nest. 

Janie: I always did like to make a raid on a bumble-bees' 
nest. Handy, will you help me tear up this one? 

Haxdy: Yas'sy mum, j^ervided you will help me tame dat 
hornet in de kitchen. 

Janie : It's a bargain. I am ready to make and to break 
matches. Skidoo! I hear some one coifing. [Handy 
runs out L as Miss Kate niters R.] 

Mi.ss Kate: I thought I heard voices. [Looks ahoiit.] 
AVere you talking to yourself? 

Handy [outside sings] : 

I went ter bed but it was no use, — 
Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all de day — 
My feet stuck out fer a chicken roost — 
Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all de day. 

[Miss Kate looks mad.] 



16 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Miss Kate: Or have you condescended to converse with 
the servant? 

Janie: I was not plotting any more jokes, Auntie. 

]\Iiss Kate: I should think you'd be plotting how to ex- 
plain your disgrace to your mother and — 

Enter Eebecca and Blondo. 

Rebecca : Wliy is Janie at home, Kate ? I do not under- 
stand. 

Miss Kate: Rebecca, Janie has disgraced the Wing fam- 
ily. The last generation is dwindling. The brave spirit 
of the Wings lias faded to a mere shadow. 

Rebecca : Do tell me what has happened, Kate. 

Miss Kate: Your daughter has been expelled from col- 
lege for mockery! She had the audacity to dress up 
like me and call on my friend, Sara Pines. When I 
arrived, there sat the monkey posing as I. She actually 
had Sara believing that she was I. As good luck would 
have it, I walked in at that moment. There she stood, 
still as the Sphinx, till Sara and I both decided we were 
insane. Then like a bubble she burst, and begged for 
mercy. [Drops on seat.] . Oh! I'll never get over the 
shock, mentally, physically or spiritually! 

Rebecca: Janie, I am ashamed of you. 

Janie: Mother, I'm doing a punishment of two thousand 
rows on a scarf, besides cut out of Aunt Kate's will. 

Miss Kate: I irrtmediately took the ape to the lady prin- 
cipal who immediately expelled her. I brought her 
home yesterday and set her in the straight and narrow 
path. 

Rebecca: Janie, what made you do it ! It may get in the 
papers. 

Blondo : Yes, my dear, since you mention it, I saw an 
account of the episode in the Morning Times. I did not 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP ' 17 

tell you for I knew how it would hurt. You need a 
masculine arm in such a time as this. Come, let's take 
a spin for some refreshing air. 

Miss Kjvte: Yes, Rebecca, you speed for some air and 
consolation. I'll keep watch till the strong arm is ready 
to take the reins. [Sits as Rebecca and Blondo go out 
at R.] [Kate glances at hook but gets sleejjy:] 

Janie: I'll not run away, Aunt Kate, if you wish to take 
your afternoon nap. I'll sit here and curb the spirit of 
my ancestors. 

Miss Kate: How dare you mention your ancestors! I 
should think it would make their bones colder. 

Handy [outside] : Golly, ooo-o-o-o-o-o-o- I'd hate ter see 
dem bones shiverin' ! 

Miss Kate: Handy Heap, do hush your nonsense and go 
to the rear. 

Handy: I'se awful busy, Missus, whettin' dis yard-razor. 
GrOt order ter slick her up fer de new man-in-law. 
[Sings.] 

I went ter see my gal one night — 
Singing Polly, etc. 
She sed I wus a awful sight, 
Singing — 

Miss Kate: "Who could read with so much vulgarity in 
the air? I tell you for the last time, Handy, to go to the 
rear. 

Handy: Wliat Missus, you ain't gwine die, is you? 

Miss Kate [going out door L.] : Move, this minute. 

Handy [pidJs moiver across porch after Miss Kate sits] : 
I alius obeys de word of mouf, Missus. [Janie whispers 
to Handy to get her off the porch.] 

Miss Kate: You imp of Africa, why didn't you go the 
back way? 



18 ' MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Handy: Lowed you wanted me ter go de straight and 
narrow paf wliar you tole Miss Janie ter go. Ain't dat 
Bible? 

]\riss Kate: You are another that needs a masculine arm. 
Get back, sir. [Handy whistles hack out L.] 

Janie : I'.m getting awfully tired of these two thousand 
rows, Auntie. Won't you let me gather you a bouquet 
of spring violets? Mr." Richo might drop in. 

Miss Kate: Keep the spigot of your imagination turned 
off in my presence. Remain seated, bat don't refer 
again to the man who has alligators for a hobby. 

Handy [at L] -. De sun's done set fer yo' ole cat, Miss 
Kitty. Don't you hear him squallin' in de bottom of de 
well? [Cat cries outside.] 

Miss Kate : Oh-oh-oh ! Run Janie, help rescue the perish- 
ing! Oil, my poor, dear, Tompson ! [Runs out L.] 

Janie [grabs sofa- pillow] : All right, Auntie, I'll throw 
this pillow down for him to sit on, while Handy gets a 
basket to draw him up in. [Exit L.] 

Mandy [enters on R.] : T don't keer if de ole cat is in de 
well. Alius pesticatin ' in de kitchen, in de gravy specially ; 
done got fat on stole chicken livers. Spec de cold water 
feel goot ter him atter dat scaldin'. I hope he die fo' 
dey fishes him out. Some say hit's bad luck ter kill a 
cat, — huh hit's wuss ter have 'em on de table all de time! 
Co'se Miss Katie '11 go-in mou'nin' fer him an' blame 
me. but, shucks ; I let somebody else shake de tree ob 
trouble. I'd ruther set [sits] an' rock, an' eat candy, 
an' sing. [Tune Polly Wolly.] 

I got secret I ain't gwine tell. 

Singing Polly, etc. 
I soon will ring my weddin' bell-^ 

Handy [at L. door] -. Hush, honey. How you koteli nuther 
fellow so quick? 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 19 

Mandy: 'Tain't no consarn you'rn how I kotched him. 

Handy : I see he kotched you on g:iim-draps. [Grabs one, 
scuffle.] Can't eat dat stuff. Smells like pisin liquor. 

[Spits.] 

Mandy : Gum draps is better 'n ni<^(rer-blood choc 'late 
draps I 1 'se gwine eat ice cream wid him soon. 

Handy: Spec you'll wish you's eatin' eo'nbread wid me 
some day. [Whistles.] 

Mandy: You f^vine lose yo' specs, Handy Heap. Hope 
you didn't fish out de ole cat 

Handy: Shucks, you done drown yo' hope. Dat cat's 
plum happy. Miss Kate curry in' an' vaporatin' him in 
yo' kitchen. She's reg'lar Red Cross nuss fer cats, — 
done put cotton an' bandage on him — 

Mandy : Yi-hi, nig-ger, she git you fer throwin' her Tomp- 
son in dat well. 

Handy: Ain't I done pull him out? 

J.\NIE [L] : Mandy, Aunt Kate wants you. 

Mandy : Lawsee ! Wisht I could patch on dat fur I 
scalded off de ole rascal. [Exit.] 

Janie : Now, Handy, are you sure you will help me get 
rid of Mr. Blondo ? 

Handy: Sure as sunshine, Miss Janie. 

Janie : Talk fast now for Aunt Kate may buzz out any 
minute. I always heard mother say she could not endure 
a bald man. Are you sure Mr. Blondo is bald? 

Handy : Bald's a piece of ice. He wears a wiggin or 
sumpin'. 

Janie : Well, we will remove "the wiggin." as you call 
it and reveal his baldness to Mother AVing. 

Handy : You got a mountain ter turn ober, Miss Janie. 



20- MISS JANIE; OR, THE CUETAILED COURTSHIP. 

Janie: "Will you catch me a bumble bee? 

Handy : Yassy mum, kotch a black snake if you want him. 

Janie : I want a bumble bee. 

Handy; You want me ter file his stinger? 

Janie: Yes. Now listen. When mother and Mr. Blondo 
come, you hang his hat in the hall, and then put some 
mucilage on the inside of the crown. I will challenge 
him to a game of croquet, then we'll call for our hats 
and go for the evening mail. Mother in the meantime 
will be dressing or looking after the table. AVhen we 
come back the wig will stick to his hat when he takes it 
off. You fasten the bee alive in the hair of the wig 
and just before tea is announced, take the wig to him. 
I think he will be so glad to get it that he will give you 
a tip. [Handy capers.] Now hustle, lasso a bee, get 
some glue, watch Aunt Kate, and mind me. [Exit L.] 

Handy [at door] : But 'spose I git kotched and caned, 

Miss Janie? 
Janie : Call on me. I'll be your lawyer. 

Handy : How we gwine lasso dat coon in de kitchen. Miss 

Janie ? 
Janie : One at a time, Handy. I promise that Mandy will 

eat your chocolates before your mustache is long as a 

rat's tail. Now motor! 
Handy [turns somersault on stage] : Goody! [Sings, tune 

Merrily^ We Boll Along.] 

Gwine ter kotch a bumble bee, bumble bee, bumble bee 
Gwine ter kotch a bumble bee, bumble bee, bumble bee. 

[Runs.] 
Enter Rebecca and Blondo. 

Rebecca : Handy, here a minute. [Handy enters, and 
hows.] Place Mr. Blondo 's hat and gloves inside. Rich- 
ard, it is so pleasant on the veranda don't you wish to 
recline in the hammock ? 



MISS JANIE ; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 21 

Blondo: Indeed I do, my ever thoughtful Dear. 

Rebecca : You will please excuse me while I see after the 
servants. [Enter Janie.] You and Janie will have a 
chance to get acquainted. [Exit Rebecca.] 

Blondo : Nothing would please me better. Come, Janie, 
sit with me in the hammock. [Janie sits.] 

Janie : Mr. Blondo, I hear you have beaten all the girls 
playing croquet. Would you like to risk a game with 

me ? 

Blondo: Certainly, I shall be delighted. We will be 
great foes in the game but the best of friends at heart. 

Janie : The sun is low so we will not need our hats. 

Blondo : Oh no. Janie, I hope you will find me not only 
a "buddy" in croquet but also a dandy dad. 

Janie: Oh, mother, come here a minute. T have an idea. 
[Rebecca appears R door.] Why not bring the tea 
table out here on the veranda and you and Mr. Blondo 
have tea where you get the fragrance of flowers and the 
cooing of doves? 

Rebecca: That is a capital idea, Janie love. 

Janie : Mr. Blondo and I are going to try a game of cro- 
quet and then we will go for the mail and some flowers 
for the table. [Janie and Blondo rise.] 

Rebecca: Janie, it was so sweet of .you to plan it that 

way. 
Janie \at E] :- Bye-o. mother, we'll be bact in twenty 

minutes. • [T7ai>e6'.] 

Rebecca: Handy, Handy, here a minute, please. 

Handy [out of hreaili] : 'Sense me, fer bein' in a hurry. 
Miss Becky, but Miss Kate, she skeered Tompson done 
kotch cold in de well and ordered me ter git some catnip. 

Rebecca : Never mind the catnip now. Handy. Bring 
the tea table out here. 



22 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Handy: Fine place for you and Mr. Man ter eat, fresh 
air and — Say, Miss Becky, you hain't sed nuthin' 'bout 
my close shave. 

Rebecca: Hush, boy, I don't usually notice your shaves. 

Handy: I spec de ole cow'd notice it if she'd come in de 
yard. 

Rebecca : you rascal, I see ; you have done a nice job. 
It is a close shave. 

Handy: You is riglity. but dat ain't de only close shave 

been on de place ter-day. 
Rebecca: AVhy, what else has happened? 

Handy: Tompson got a close sliave wid scaldin' water. 
I spec Mandy gwine kotch trouble. 

Miss Kate {oiit'^idr] : Handy, Handy Heap, bring me 
that catnip. Tompson needs sleep. 

Handy: 'Sense me and de table, Miss Becky. On de run. 
Miss Kitty. [Exit L.] 

Rebecca: I'm delighted Janie is taking so well to Mr. 
Blondo. Of course it's bad to be dismissed from college 
but if her coming home means getting on good terms 
with her future father it's a good wind. Kate never 
could appreciate a joke. 

Handy [L] : Here de table, Miss Becky. Miss Shoo-fly 

will hab ter set it. 
Rebecca: Who is Miss Shoo-fly? 

Handy : Dat gal in de kitchen. Me and she done busted. 
She 'vited de spider inter her parlor and shooflied me. 

Rebecca: Well, Handy, Love is blind, and she doesn't se? 
her mistake. 

PIandy: Dat's a nail druv wid one lick, Miss Becky. 
Miss Janie sixy she hep me knock olt' de scales. 

Janie [outside] i Handy, bring Mr. Blonde's hat and ivy 
cap. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 23 

Blonoo: Put a feather in Janie's cap, llaudy, I'or she lias 
whiie-washed me. 

II ANDY [at li. Flaps dhows on sides a)id crows. Aside] : 
Don't spec dat de last time she gwiue white-wash you, 

suh. [Exit R.\ 

Blondo [comi)iy on- j^orcli] : Rebecca, your daughter is 
as skillful with a mallet as she is with a joke. 

Janie [with Blondo J : Handy Slow, do come on ! [Handy 
breathless with feather. \ What have you been doing? 

IIaxdy: Kotchin' de rooster fer dis fedder. [Hands 
Janie cap, with feather.] I got uudder one fer somebody. 

Blondo : Save that one for me, Handy. 

Janie : Come, 'Mv. Blondo, we must motor. [All hut 
Handy go out R.] 

Handy: Be snow on de orange blossoms when you gits 
dis fedder. [Sits and puts feather in own cap or hat.[ 

ilANDY [L, turns up nose at Handy] : Nigger, whut you 
got fedder in yo' cap fei-? Miss Kate '11 rol) you dat when 
I tell lier you tlirow Tompson in dc well. 

Handy : You won't hab nary kink when 1 tell her you 
scald him. I 'se wearin' dis fedder fei- de big vie 'try. 

-AIandy: Whut vic'try yuu talkin' "bout? 

Handy: De vie 'try of many in' you! 

ATandy': Huh! Nmlder coon gwiiie hab dat honor. [Exit 
L after setting fahle for two.] 

Handy: Oh, gal, T'se as sho ter git you as dis bee is ter 
git Blondo. 

Mr. Bumble-bee, 

I'll put you in de wig 
And when de gent's at supper 

You mus' dance a whirlijig. 



24 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Mr. Bumble-bee, 

Cause dese white folks a break-up 
An' den Miss Janie, whoo-pe-dee ! 

Will hep dese coons ter make-up. 

'Tain't gwine be no peace con'frenee 'fo' de weddin' 
bells so I might as well git practiced up. [Rises and 
goes through figJtting motions.] Dis de way ter take 
my foe-beau under de chin. [Hits.] Dis way ter fling 
him. [Kicks. Mandy enters with dishes.] 

Mandy : Wliut dat fool caper fer ! 

Handy: Practicin' on de big vie 'try. [Mandy grabs his 
feather, scuffle.] 

I\Iandy : Gwine gib dis ter my new beau. 

Handy ; Say, Mandy, you know yo' got ancestors! 
[Scratches head.] 

Mandy: Hush, 'tain't so. Never had no ancestors. Spec 
you got 'em. 

Handy [rolling over and laughing] : Spec I has, Miss 
Shoo-fly. 

Mandy : I gwine tell Miss Kate ter hand you fine comb. 

Handy: Thanky-do. Say, Shoo-fly, Miss Kate tells me 
you slumbers in yo' sleep. 

Mj^ndy: Shet yo' mouf, 'tain't so. Git off dis porch. 
[Tlirows water on him.] 

Handy : You want me ter tell Miss Kate you throw water 
on Tompson, don't you? 

Mandy: Huh, dat's all blufif. He sheered ter tell on me. 
Here comes de folks. [Exit L. Enter Janie and 
Blondo who looks at watch.] 

Blondo: Five minutes ahead of time. 






MISS JANIE ; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSIIU' 25 

Janie: Goody! That will give us time to arrange the 
flowers. You place them on the table, Mr. BIoikIo, while 
I put away the hats. [Blondo, hands full of /lowers, 
bends for Janie lo take liis hat. Janie j).Ms wig off 
gently with hat and exits. Blondo puts flowers in vase 
on the table, then selects flower, sits and kisses it.] 

Blondo : My artistic talent will serve me well today. The 
widow has such a developed sense of the aesthetic. 

Handy [bowing low] : 'Scuse me suh, but didn't you lose 

dis? [Shows wig.] 
Blondo: Scotts! Handy, I surely did. You deserve a 

dollar for bringing it to me in the nick of time. 

Handy: Thanky-do, suh. I hear do, missus comin', so I 
mus' ski-do. [Exit L.] [Runs into ELvndy aiid falls- 
near door. She pours some hot tea on him.] 

Mandy: Dat's whut you gits fer gittin' in my paf. 

Handy: I gwine beat your sweetheart fer dat. [Mandy 
places tea, rolls, etc., on table as Mrs. Wing enters R 
in evening dress. Mandy exits L.] 

Blondo [advances to meet REnECCA o»c/ presents flowers] : 
A flower for your hair, my dear. 

Rebecca: how lovely [kissing it, then putting it in 
liair], and the centerpiece, isn't it beautiful!!! 

Blondo : You can't guess who arranged it. 

Rebecca : Indeed I can. [Archly.] You deserve a 
feather in your cap for that. [They sit, Rebecca pours 
tea, sip it, take rolls and butter, eat.] 

Blondo: Rebecca, you make me the happiest man on 
earth. 

Rebecca : Richard, no woman is happier than I. 

Blondo: Sweetheart, I am more than charmed witli Janie. 
She is so full of life and daring, just the kind of girl I 
admire. Murder! Rebecca, there's something in my 
hair. [Grabs head.] 



26 MISS JANIE ; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Rebecca; what is it, dear? [T^/s^'s.] 

Blondo: The devil only knows! Get it oiil, quick. The 
thing is stinging me. 

Rebecca [trying to look hut fears to put liand on Blondo 's 
head] : Oh he will sting us both. What can I do, 
Richard ? 

Blondo [yellinq] : Get the infernal thing out, out I say!! 
Ouch ! oh ! ! ! ' 

Rebecca: Handy, Handy, come here, quick! Get the bee 
out of Mr. Blondo 's hair. 

Handy: Must hab smelt de flowers. [Grahs wig off.] I 
done kotch him, massy. Here lie am [sliowing hee to 
Blondo]. [Blondo and Rebecca drop in chairs. Rebecca 
looks at Blondo 's head disgusted. Blondo stamps tee.] 

Handy : Dici he bite you, Mister? I'll git be turp'ntine. 

Blondo : Get me my hat ! Rebecca, excuse me. 

Rebecca : Richard, I did not know you were masquerading 
under a wig. I could never marry a man with a bald 
head. [Hands him the ring. Handy hands Blondo his 
hat and exits L as Blondo exits R.] 

Rebecca [cries a little] : well, it's lucky I found out 
in time. He is not the only string on my bow. Rieho 
will be on his knees when I tell him a few things. 
CURTAIN 

ACT III. 

SCENE 

Front porch, next A. ]M., Rebecca and Janie seated. Jaxie still 
knitting. 

Rebecca : Of course, Janie, you will have to knit the two 
thousand rows. I am afraid you carry your jokes a 
little too far. Kate will never forgive you. While I 
am glad I discovered Mr. Blondo 's baldness, it was rude 
in you to put the bee in his wig. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 27 

Janie: Cupid has to have a liard blow somelimes, mother. 

Rebecca: Tv'ill you be surprised lo know that "Sir. Rieho 
has been a frequent visitor to Maple Shade recently? 

Janie: Oh, I hope he and Aunt Kate will make up at 
last. 

Rebecca : Child, that can never be. 'Mr. Riclio has been 
on his knees to your mother. 

Janie: mother, he's too old for you. 

Rebecca: Years don't count, Janie; it's the spirit of him 
that I admire. You would like iir. Richo for he is a 
man without a fault. Then, too, he is very wealthy and 
since Aunt Kate is g:oin<]r to cut you otf without a penny, 
well — cr — you will not fear for the future. 

Janie: Mother, 1 hope you have not made any promises 
to Mr. Richo. 

Rebecca: AVell, I may as well tell you that I wrote him 
last night that I had reconsidered his offer of marriage. 

Janie : Well, I don't want Aunt Kate's money, or Mr 
Richo 's either. I want my own father. 

Rebecca: That is a noble thought, Janie, but ten years 
in the Arctic region with no word fi-om him is proof that 
he sleeps beneath the snow. 

Richo [R] : Good morning, ladies. [Ladies shake hands.] 

Rebecca: We were just speaking of you, Mr. Richo. So 
glad you have come. [Places chair for him.] 

Richo [to Rebecca] : The morning is so lovely I thought 
you would like a spin to my mountain farm. 

Rebecca: Perfectly charming, Mr. Richo. You always 
plan such delightful trips for me. Janie, get my hat 
and gloves, please. [Exit Janie R.] 

Richo : Rebecca, it was so sweet of you to reconsider. 
You will make me the happiest man if you will be mine. 



28 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

E-EBECCA: All is yours, Robert. [Enter Janie with hat.] 
Thank you, Janie love, tell Handy to hoe the sweet peas 
while I am away. I want them to bloom by June. 
[Rebecca and Richo goi out R.] 

Janie : Sweet peas for a wadding, I guess! [Stanipr, 
foot.] Handy, come here. Now is a good time to op(>n 
the eyes of Cupid in your case. 

Handy: Yassy mum, but I ain't got done laughin' ober 
de Blondo Bee yit. Ain't it a good thing de Lord gib 
de bee a stinger and you a hatful of sense ? 

Janie : Where are Aunt Kate and Mandy? 
Handy: Miss Kitty, she rubbin' ile on Tompson, and 
Mandy 's serubbin'. 

Janie : "Well you know what you have to do in this make- 
up. Scat, sir! [Exit L.] Mandy, Mandy, come here a 
minute. 

Mandy [L] : Here I is, Miss Janie. 

Janie: Get some water and wipe the window and porch 
floor, Mandy. Bring the step ladder so you can get the 
cobwebs down, too. AVe are going to have company, I 
think. 

Mandy : Who comin'. Miss Janie? 

Janie : Mr. Richo took mother for a drive. 

Mandy : You don ' say so ! Spec ter my soul we hab a 

weddin' after all. 
Janie : What, you and your new man going to marry 

soon? 
Mandy: Yes'm, guess de weddin' bells ring 'fo' long. 

[Exit to get water, etc.] 
Miss Kate [ivith Tompson]: What, you unattended! I 

thought your mother was with you. 
Janie: Aunt Kate, mother has gone riding with your 

old beau. What would you give me to break up the 

match and give him to you? 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 29 

iliss Kate: I'll give you another thousand rows if you 
mention the alligator man to me again. 

Janie [aside] : How can I get her out of the way? Aunt 
Kate, if you'd get a black wig, pink your cheeks a 
.little, make up a rosebud mouth, put on a low-neck 
georgette, and a sweet smile, 3-011 could bring the alliga- 
tor man to his senses and his knees, declaring you to be 
still the sweetest girl in Dixie. [Mandy enters iviih 
ladder, icatcr, etc., and ivashcs ivindoiv.] 

Miss Kate: Janie Wing, hush. My mind is not on MAN, 
it's on poor, suffering Cats [stroking Tompson]. 

Janie : And then you'd say, Robert, do you really think 
so? And he'd say, yes, dearie, I've been blind as a bat 
these years not to give up the alligator ranch for j^ou. 
Then you'd surrender and he'd kiss you. 

?.Iiss Kate: This is more than I can endure. I leave you 
with another thousand rows. [Enter Handy dressed as 
a woman, bonnet on.] 

Handy : IMorning, Missis, needing any service? 

Janie: Good morning, what is your name, and where do 
you come from? 

Handy : Sally Hants, from down on de PEEDEE, out 

fer service. 

Janie: "Well, Sally, I may need help soon. 

Sally: Dis gal gwine leab you, am she? 

Janie : She tells me she expects to marry soon and of 
course I shan't keep her from it. 

•Sally: No'm. not 'tall ; if she gwine git a good man she 
better not let him slip. I knowed a gal onc't dat had 
a good chance and slu^ give him up fer a chap from 
nowhar. I tell you marryin' import ain't like marryin' 
export raised under yo' own eyes. 



30 MISS JAOTE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

Janie: Well, Sally, can yon cook, and clean up, and 
milk? 

Sally : Yas'm, I kin cook. Cook an' clean up. [Grabs 
rag and scrubs.] Gook an' milk butter, cook an' run 
car, cook an' hitch hoss, cook an' slap bootleg in de 
face wid dish-rag, an— 

Mandt: Whar you larn all dat smartnalitj^ ? 

Sally: Do^ti whar de fo' leaf clovers growl 

Janie : Well, Sallj', I will hire you since Mandy is going 
to leave me. 

Mandy : Hush, Miss Janio, dar hain't no tellin' wlien dat 
coon gwine call fer me. He doin' some tall co'tin' but 
dat don't mean I gwine take him. Miss Sally, dar, done 
gimme idee 'bout dese here impo'ts an' I sorte thunk 
dis one's a bootleg, fer every time he come see me he 
say, "Recken dat colored butler buy a little moonshine?" 

Sally: "Vvlmt you say ter dat? 

Mandy: I say, "Don't you say moonshine ter him if you 
don't want de black skeered outen you!" 

Sally: Looks like you'd be set tin' yo' cap fer de butler 
'stid de bootleg. Bootleg ain't nobody dese days. 

Mandy: Dat's de plum truf, Miss Sally. Spec I better 
make up wid de butler. 

Sally: Airighty, Miss Mandy [pulling off dress], I def? 
kiss you fer dat. [Tries to kiss her, hiit she runs np 
step ladder with tea-kettle and pours ivaicr on him when 
he starts up,] ^ 

Mandy: No, you won't take no kiss, but you kin take 
dat. [Throws rag at him.] 

Miss Kate [R] -. Stop this barbarism immediately. One 
would think the Goths and Vandals had come to life^ 
I have a crow to pick with you ALL. [All fold hand: 
and sigh.] 



MISS JANTE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSIITP 31 

Miss Kate: I have thought doeply about this tragic affair 
of Tompson 's yesterday aud have concluded that the 
Avhole trouble was a premeditated plot upon the life of 
my one and only pet. You will answer my questions 
with a yes or a no. First, Janie, while sitting on the 
porch yesterday, did you make signs to Handy to get 
you off the porch? 

Janie: I did. 

Miss Kate : Maudy, did you throw boiling water on Tomp- 
son to get him out of the kitchen? 

IMandy : I did, mum. Alius on my table. 

Miss Kate: ITandy, didn't you see the poor cat running 
from the kitch(>Ti, grab him and pitch him in the wdl 
to get Jane otT the porch? 

Handy: I did, yer honor. Weep crickets! de hour ob 
tribulation am here I 

Miss Kate: Yes, it's here. I wrote my will leaving each 
of you one hundred dollars for helping me rescue the 
poor creature, but since I've studied out the plot you 
played against me and mine, I leave you nothing but 
dislike, distrust and dishonor. [Exit R haughtily.] 

Handy: Spec Ave better try dis-remcmber dis 'casion. 
[Plays harp or other instrument if he can. Handy" and 
Mandy dance or cake-walk.] 

Handy^: Miss Janie, here's nudcler feddcr fer yo' cap. 
Me and Mandy are peaches and cream now. 

Janie: And forever I trust. Handy, mother w^ants you 
to hoe the sweet-peas and Mandy, you had belter put 
on the kettle. [Handy and Mandy exeunt L.\ 
Enter Silas Mend. 

Stlas Mend [R] : Morning, Mis:-;. Got any chairs 'to mend 
today? 

Janie : Good morning, sir. Come in and be seated. Yes, 
I have an old, old chair that ray great, great, great, 
grandmother had. She was such a wonderful woman, 



82 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

that I think I '11 grow to be a smart woman if I sit in her 
chair and rock and think. I'll get it out of the attic, 

Silas [wiping sweat from hrow and fanning with hat] -. 
Smart girl, now. Wonder where her mother is. 

Handy [L with hoe] : Howdy, Mister. Ain't bootleggin', 
air you? Got on awful high boots. 

Silas: No, I'm a mender of chairs. 

Handy : Goody, I'm a mender, too, — mender of de glorious 

18th. 

Silas: Why, what have you done? 

Handy: Jist now beat a bootleg outen his gal. 

Silas: You are sort of police here, are you? 

Handy: Yassuh, perlices de farm fer Miss Wing, hoes 
de co'n, digs de taters and acts de butler when de beaus 
come. 

Silas: Is the lady of the house a widow? 

Handy: Well, no, er, yessuh, I recken she widow. Hubby 
went off and never come back and she thunk he dead. 
She was 'bout marry but me and Miss Janie, and a bee, 
we busted — Hello, here come somebody. Come on ole 
clog-splitter. [Grabs hoe and runs out L.] 

Janie [ivith chair] : Now sir, I wish you to make this 
chair a thing of beauty, for it's to be a joy to me. 

Silas: I'll do my best for you, Miss Wing. It will need 
to be scraped, sand-papered, and varnished. Silas Mend 
is my name. Where may I work? 

Janie: Right here, so I can make suggestions about tlie 
chair. You see I'm a prisoner, serving a sentence of 
three thousand rows of knitting and can't leave the 
porch. 

SiJjAs [looking aroimd] : Looks like you are a "trusty" — 
no guards. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 33 

Janie: Mother has gone riding and Aunt Kate became 
so disgusted with me -she beat a retreat, wljen I asked 
here if she wished me to help her make up with her old 
beau. 

Silas : You seem to be helping Cupid a bit. 

Janie: Someone ought to assist the poor, eyeless creature. 
Mr. Mend, within the last hour I have made a match, 
but now I'm stumped. 

Silas: What er — er^ — ah — is the trouble? 

Janie: Well in algebraeic terms I call it eliminating the 
second quantity of another example or a father-in-law 
to-be. 

Silas: Do I infer that you have eliminated the first 
quantity ? 

Janie: Yes, that was easily done, but the second is such 
a nice, good man I can't find a flaw for a plot. 

Silas : Why do you object to & good daddy-man ? 

Janie [rising],: Because, sir, I believe my father is living. 
He went to Alaska ten years ago and I've never heard 
that he was dead. 

Handy [L] : Here's a letter ole Blondo gimme dollar ter 
brung you, Miss Janie, on de sly. Tole hira spec you'd 
tear it up. 

Janie: I'll read it in the open. 

Dearest, sweet Janie: 

After getting my wits together since yesterday I've 
decided the bee did the right thing. Cupid had me blinded 
'till said bee opened my eyes to the charms of, not your 
mother, but you, you, you. The way you have swung my 
heart to you is like the way you swing a ball tlirough a 
wicket, and a ear around a curve. I'm sure you were 
pleased with the prospect of me for a father, couldn't T 
wear a wig and make you a pretty nice hubby? [Stamjjs 



34 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 

foot.] We'd elope to Alaska and hunt a spell for daddy. 
Say you will fly with me, little bird. [Aside.] The old 
fool! Marry me and you will not have to knit for a sour 
old maid. 

Janie: If that isn't the Jiwif! \Tpnr,s Irtfrr.] Get 
behind me Satan. 

Handy: Ain't you gwine answer, Miss Janie? He gimme 
five dollars ter bring him nice answer. 

Janie: Not if he'd give you five billion dollars. You 
had better watch Blondo, Handy. The devil will possess 
him after this. [Handy exits at L.J 

Silas: You surely gave Cupid a black eye that tinif, Mis.s 
Wing. 

Janie : I wish the next case were as easy. 

Silas: If I knew a little more aboul the case 1 might 
ferret out a way to help you. 

» 

Janie: Goody! I dub you First Lieutenant to Captain 
Cupid. Mother almost told me she meant to marry this 
nice Mr. Hicho, She will be back before long and if I 
get any more information as to their plans I will inform 
you. 

Miss Kate: Of all things, idle again. [Cotmfs rows.] 
No headway at all. Why is this plebeian performance 
on the front porch? 

Janie : Auntie, this gentleman is rejuvenating our greatest 
ancestor's chair. It will be used only on special occa- 
sions, for instance when your lover comes. 

Miss Kate : AVill you please keep silence about my lover. 
He was properly discarded with his alligators. 

Miss Kate : Sir, take your rubbish to the back porch 
immediately. [Exit Silas with tools.] 



MTSS JANTC; On, THE Ct'nTATLrr* COtTI^TsnTP 35 

Miss Kate: 1 will be only too fjlad when a nuisculiue arm 
comes to this househokl to I'elease me. I won't be respon- 
:siblc for your mixing with all sorts. Ytju are perfectly 
at home with the servants and a day laborer. 

Mandt: Oh, Miss Kate, come quick. Tompson's caught 
nudder chicken. 

Miss Kate: Oli, I fear I'll have to muzzle the poor fellow. 

[Exit L.] 

Jaxie: Better let me slioot him. Aunt Kate. [Enter 
Rebecca and Richo R.] 

RiCHO : Shoot him ! Me, Janie ? I hope mv little daughter- 
to-be will not do that ! 

Janie: Oh, no, I meant the cat that caught the chicken. 

Rerfccat Come, sit with us, Janie. AVe have a secret to 

tell you. 
Janie: "WTien is the wedding to be, mother? 
Rebecca: Day after tomorrow, dear. 

Ricno: Yes, girlie, I have to go to Florida to sec about 
the alligator farm and from there to South America 
right away, and I wish my wife and daughter to accom- 
pany me. 

Janie: Bat what will become of Aunt Kate! 

Miss Kate [wit'ii cat vtv.zdcd] -. Gracious, mercy, excuse 
me ! I thought Janie was alone, I believe it is too cool 
for me to sit in the breeze, [Exit.] 

Rebecca : AVell, we haven't thought of that, Robert. Come, 
lot's hunt up Aunt Kate and make plans with her. 

Janie: Oh, mother, see if she won't go on a visit to Mrs. 
Sara Pines. [Rebecca and Richo exeunt K:] 

Janie: Oh, what cai} I do! This work of Cupid is too 
much for me, I'll report to the First Lieutenant. If 
he fails me, then I'll let King Cupid go it blind! 
CURTAIN 



36 MTSS-JA-NIE ,- -OR, THE- CURTAILED -COURTSHTP 

ACT IV. 

SCENE 

Same porch", decorated for wedding, piano if possible, chairs for 
three, flowers. Make as elaborate as desired. Use wedding march 
if "possible. More guests- inay come in. 

Janie [arranging floivers] : I'm working by faith now and 

"■not by sight. Here I am trying to break up d; wedding 

and at the same time working for it. The chair-mender 

didn't give me much satisfaction. Well, I did all I 

could. Time will tell what he will do. 

Handy [L] : Miss Janie, been lookin' fer you all mornin'. 
Got some big news. 

Janie: What is it, Handy? 

Handy: Early dis mornin' I meets dat ole Blondo and 
says he, mad as snake, "Why didn't you bring me answer 
ter dat letter I sont to my girl?" I tell him you sed dar 
ain't gwine be no answer, tore up yo letter, and say, 
"Git behind me, Satan," and man! he paw de groun' 
and say he b'lieve I'se lyin'. I make a fist ter zip him 
but he move on sayin', "I knows a feller dat '11 settle 
wid you fer dis, as well as some other matters." And 
den he turn his engine wide open and tried ter drown 
me wid dust. 'Bout de time I git ter de pine woods 
.drivin' de cattle — 

Janie: Pine woods driving the cattle. Handy? 

PIandy: No'jn, me drivin' de cattle at de pine woods, 
dat nigger dat been co'tin' Mandy jump on me. Miss 
Janie, you oughter been dar. Dar ain't been no wusser 
fight since York killed de Germans, fust me up, den him; 
ole dog Tige, he jumped on ter bite fer me, and de male 
cow, he smelt blood and bellowed and paw de dirt. Pretty 
soon I win de big Victry, fling him, set on him, and 
made him open his mouf. 

Janie : Goody ! What did he tell you, Handy ? 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP 37 

Handy : I say, "Whut you doin' in dis country anyway?" 
He low, "I'se makin' liquor fer a gentleman." 1 vip 
him on de jowl and tell him tain't so fer no gentleman' d 
sneak round an' make dat stuff. "Dat all you doin' in 
dese diggins?" says I. "No surrec, I co'tin' pretty gal 
named Mandy, " he say, "gwine marry right 'fo yo' 
eyes too!" "Tain't so," sed I, and I wallops him ober 
in de road. Den he say, "Mr. Heap, if you let me loose, 
I'll give you big dram liquor." Dat make me mad nuff 
ter make me thunk and I say, "Dat jis makes me ax 
you who is de feller you makin' liquor fer." He won't 
open his mouf till I choke him den says he, "Hits Mr. 
Blond 0. He pays me good money ter moonshine fer 
him." Den I whacks him on de coeoanut and tell him 
ter git up and go with me ter de sheriff. 

Janie: Hurrah for you. Handy. You are a useful citizen. 
I was sure this chap was a bootlegger the night I saw 
him in the kitchen. Did you report Blondo to the sheriff? 

Handy: Co'se. I spec de sheriff chasin' him now. 

Mandy : Yo' ma wants you. Miss Janie. [Exit Janie R.] 

Handy; Mandy, is you ready fer our weddin"? 

Mandy: Ain't had much time fer fixin' mysef, Handy. 
Ben awful busy dis A. M. 

Handy: You is lookin' awful purty ter me. Wharbouts 
is we gwine stan? 

Mandy: Right in de white fo'ks tracks atter dcy is mar- 
ried. Yo' tie is ontied, Handy Boy. [Ties it.] 

Handy: I so out er breath atter my big fight dis mornin' 
had ter leab de tie ontied fer breaf. Got nice gal ter 
fix it fer me. [Fats her cheek.] 

Mandy: Handy, I recken Miss Becky and Mr. Richo got 
lots confidence in me and you ter let us look atter de 
farm while dey gone. 



38 MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COUilTSHIP 

Handy : I'se glad Miss Kate gwine on visit ter Miss Pines. 
She too bossy fer me. 

Mandy: Law, coon, hits mos' time fer de weddin''. I 
hear de preacher comin'. [Mandy and JIandy stand at 
L. Preacher enters R or C and takes stand near CF. 
Miss Kate and Mrs. Pines, followed hij Janie come in 
and sit at R. Bride and Groom enter and stand in C 
facing audience. Music if desired.] 

Minister: Dearly beloved, we are here for the purpose 
of uniting this man and woman in the bonds of matri- 
mony. If anyone objects let him speak or — 

Silas [ivell dressed advances from R] : Sir, I have the 
first claim upon this lady as I married her sixteen years 
ago. I have been lost in the Arctic land. 

Janie : father, father, I knew you'd come back. [Hugs 
Jiim.] Do tell us all. 

Silas: My dear little Janie, I will. Soon after landing I 
was taken far inland by some seemingly friendly Indians 
who held me for a large ransom. I had no way of 
extricating myself except by digging a few ounces of gold 
daily all these years and turning it over to my captors. 
I do not blame you, Rebecca, for the step you have 
taken. 

Janie : Oh, father, I believe you are the chair-mender. 

Miss Kate: John, is it possible that I ordered you off 
your own front porch? 

Janie : Yes, Kate, you ordered your brother off his own 
porch. [Smiles.] 

RiCHO : Here, John, old boy, come take your place by this 
old sweetheart of yours. [Leads him up.] 

Rebecca: John, dear, I'm glad you came in time. 
[Takes his hand.] 

Minister: I pronounce you man and wife. 



MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP o9 

Handy" : I seconds de motion I 

IMandy : 1 motion de second ! 

Janie: Isn't it all just grand except for poor Mr. Riclio. 
[Goes to him.] 

RiCHO: Right you are, Janie. It will he tragic for me 
unless [ivhispers] you persuade Aunt Kate to forgive and 
forget. 

Janie : Aunt Kate, Cupid has been in mourning for you 
and Mr. Richo, lo these twenty years. The little blind 
chap wishes to laugh and dance at your wedding today. 
Mr. Richo has sold his alligator ranch and he is ('tying 
for a sweet smile from you. 

Miss Kate: Well, as poor Tompson is dead and buried 
I recken I might as well smile. If only I had on a 
wedding garment. 

Janie: you look as sweet as a peach now. Mother, let 
Aunt Kate wear your orange blossoms. 

Rebecca: Certainly, dear. [Places them on Miss Kate. 
Rebecca leads Richo and John leads Miss Kate into 

place before the minister.] 

Mandy: Hurrah, fer dis weddin'! 

Handy: Hurrah, fer Miss Janie who done de breakin' 
and de makin ' 1 

Janie: Yes, but with all the breaking and the making 
she has just played first aid to Cupid. 

CURTAIN 



Entertainments for All Occasions 



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Special Day Entertainments 

BEST CHRISTMAS PANTOMIMES— Irish $0.40 

CHOICE CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES AND PLAYS— Irish 40 

CHOICE CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENTS— Irish 40 

CHRISTMAS AT MCCARTHYS'— Guptill ^5 

CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER— <]!uptiU .25 

CHRISTMAS EVE AT MULLIGAN'S— Irish JZ5 

CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN' AT SKAGGS' SKULE— Irish 25 

IN A TOY SHOP— Preston 25 

THE PRIMARY CHRISTMAS BOOK— Irish 40 

PUMPKIN PIE PETER— Irish 25 

THE REUNION AT PINE KNOT RANCH— Irish 25 

SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS— Preston 25 

A STRIKE IN SANTA LAND— Preston 25 

A THANKSGIVING CONSPIRACY— Irish 25 

A THANKSGIVING DREAM— Preston 25 

A TOPSY-TURVY CHRISTMAS— Guptill 25 

Dialogues and Children's Plays 

ALL IN A GARDEN FAIR— Wilbur $0.25 

DOLLS ON DRESS PARADE— Preston .25 

A PARTY IN MOTHER GOOSE LAND— Preston 25 

SNAPPY HUMOROUS DIALOGUES— Irish 40 

Recitations and Pantomimes 

CATCHY PRIMARY RECITATIONS— Irish $0.30 

OLD TIME SONGS PANTOMIMED— Irish 40 

Plays 

THE DEAREST THING IN BOOTS— MacKenzie $0.25 

THE GREAT CHICKEN STEALING CASE OF EBENEZER 

COUNTY— Richardson 25 

THE GREAT WHISKEY STEALING CASE— Richardson 25 

MISS JANIE; OR, THE CURTAILED COURTSHIP— Bonham. .25 

TEAT AWFUL LETTER— MacKenzie 25 

THE UNEXPECTED GUEST— MacKenzie 25 

Monologues 

AS OUR WASHWOMAN SEES IT— MacKenzie $0.25 

ASK OUIJA— MacKenzie 25 

THE COUNTRY COUSIN SPEAKS HER MIND— MacKenzie . . .25 

GLADYS REVIEWS THE DANCE— MacKenzie 25 

I'M ENGAGED— MacKenzie 25 

SHE SAYS SHE STUDIES— MacKenzie 25 

SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH— MacKenzie 25 



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PAINE PUBLISHING CO. Dayton, Ohio 



LIBnMnT v^r owi 



Entertainments fc 




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CHOICE CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMEN ^^ ^y mane irish 

For children of all grades. Contents: 50 recitations, 8 mono- 
logues, 11 plays and dialogues, 5 drills and marches, 8 tableaux, 
4 pantomimes, 8 pantomimed carols, 8 songs, etc. Price, 40 ceatM. 

THE PRIMARY CHRISTMAS BOOK By Marie Irish 

For children under ten years of age. Contents: 68 recitations, 
12 exercises, 7 songs, 6 drills, 12 dialogues and plays, 9 pantomimes. 
Price, 40 cents. 

BEST CHRISTMAS PANTOMIMES By Marie Irish 

Twelve pantomimes, each accompanied by complete words, 
directions and music. Some are serious and some are in a lighter 
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CHOICE CHRISTMAS DIALOGUES AND PLAYS... By Marie Irish 
Ten dialogues for Primary Grades, 10 dialogues for Intermediate 
Grades and 8 plays for Grammar Grades. Price, 40 cents. 

CHRISTMAS AT MCCARTHYS' By Elizabeth F. Guptill 

Brimful of fun and Christmas spirit. For any number of young 
folks and children. Time, 80 minutes. Price, 26 cents. 

CHRISTMAS AT PUNKIN HOLLER By Elizabeth F. Guptill 

The old-fashioned school is rehearsing for the Christmas enter- 
tainment. Funny from beginning to end. Time, 30 minutes. For 
any number of children. Price, :!5 cents. 

CHRISTMAS EVE AT MULLIGAN'S By Marie Irish 

For all grades. 4 males, 5 females. Time, 30 minutes. A most 
unusual play. Plenty of wit and humor as well as more serious 
episodes. Sure to be a success. Price, 25 centa. 

CHRISTMAS SPEAKIN' AT SKAGGS' SKULE By Marie Irish 

A back wood.<? school entertainment is featured. Easy to pre- 
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Price, 25 cents. 

IN A TOY SHOP By Effa E. Preston 

In rhyme. For 12 or more small children. A clever little play 
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THE REUNION AT PINE KNOT RANCH By Marie Irish 

For upper grades. 5 males and 6 females. Time, 30 minutes. 
Plenty of fun and a great surprise. Price, 25 cents. 

SNOWBOUND FOR CHRISTMAS By Marie Irish 

For 4 boys and 4 girls. For mixed grades. Time, 25 minutes. 
The older children play Santa Claus for the younger ones. Price, 
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A STRIKE IN SANTA LAND By Effa E. Preston 

In rhyme. 8 boys, 7 girls. Time, 20 minutes. Very easy but 
effective. Price, 25 cents. 

A TOPSY-TURVY CHRISTMAS By Elizabeth P. Guptill 

Humorous. For any number of children under fourteen years 
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PAINE PUBLISHING GO. Dayton. Ohio 



